Disconsolate
by khotz
Summary: Kankurou would never admit he'd liked the old Gaara more. He would not admit that he had liked that Gaara more, because no one would understand the masochistic, incestuous tendencies of the elder boy. Kankurou/Gaara


**Title**: Disconsolate

**Fandom**: Naruto

**Pairing**: Kankurou/Gaara

Author's Note: This is my first story on FF, also one of the first that I've actually published on any website. I couldn't stand the low amount of KankuGaara stories on here, so I thought maybe I'd upload my own. Before you begin to read, I would like to point out that this is GAY INCEST. Just in case you didn't realize that. If you do not like the pairing, don't read it. That being said, here it is.

**Disconsolate**  
Seeming beyond consolation; characterized by or causing dejection

**K**ankurou would never admit that he liked the old Gaara more, before the Chuunin exams had changed him. The one that had hated everything, had killed anyone in his way without blinking an eye. The Gaara that was constantly alert and ready to use any means necessary to protect his own life and kill or cause pain to others. He did not think of anyone else's emotions above his own.

No, Kankurou would not admit that he had liked that Gaara more, because no one would understand the masochistic, incestuous tendencies of the elder boy. Gaara's violent, murderous attitude caused him to take what he wanted, when he wanted it, no second thoughts. Of course sex would fall into the category, and who else but his brother could relieve such desires with no possibility of children, no cries of rape? He was male and they both knew who would win in a fight. There were no consequences, not that Gaara had cared, or thought, of those anyway.

The first time would have lived up to Kankurou's expectations, had he ever thought of his brother in any such way. It was sudden, aggressive, and violent, nothing less than Gaara's prevalent demeanor, but there was something else. Kankurou's relief of breaking the barrier, having seen emotion other than blind rage, or a wild grin under a cracked mask, upon the younger's face brought such astounding solace that it was everything he'd ever wanted. It was enough for him to want Gaara, to want his own brother, in such a way.

He hadn't believed that it would happen again, of course. Once was enough. Gaara never needed any more in any other situation, so obviously it would be the same as any other. But it happened again. Sudden once more, unexpected, yet completely welcomed. And every time after, they had been unexpected, too. Kankurou learned never to expect anything of his brother, lest he be disappointed, but in this case, he couldn't help it. And eventually, Gaara came to his bed every night.

That was when Kankurou finally believed he could expect the nighttime visitor. Yet, he knew his fear that if he had gone to his brother at night instead, he would be turned away and Gaara may not come back was justified, so throughout that time he stayed in his room, awaiting his brother for the nighttime rollick, allowing it to continue and always keeping his emotions of pure bliss to himself.

* * *

He waited in his bed, eager, the first night they were back from the Chuunin exams. It had been so long since he was last home, last with his brother. The craving had almost been too much. But then he was home, in his bed, only one room away from Gaara. He stared at his clock beside his bed in anticipation, waiting, waiting, but to no avail. Gaara did not slink into Kankurou's room, much less his bed that night.

Kankurou was worried. The tradition had not been deviated from for months, and he could not even ask his brother why he did not show. They had never spoken of it, never shown signs that anything like that had happened between them. What was he to do?

For the next week, he would wait, unable to sleep, until the sun rose and he was sure Gaara would not appear. He could do nothing but suffer in silence, wanting what he no longer had.

But what had changed? Gaara's attitude remained menacing, ominous. He showed no signs that he was any different... but if Kankurou were to pay very close attention, he could see the wistful look upon the younger boy's face at times when he thought no one was looking.

This surprised Kankurou. He was afraid, unsure of himself. _What_ could have changed? Was it because of the Konoha ninjas? He could do nothing to know and it frustrated him to no end. All that he could do was ask his brother, and that wasn't going to happen. Gaara would not respond kindly to emotion and sentiment. He never did, and never would. But there was nothing else, and if Kankurou wanted his bed warmed with the other presence during the night, he would need to ask the boy why he lost his craving.

The thought provoked something, however, when he actually let it run through his mind. _Lost his craving?_ Perhaps he had found a replacement. Someone better, someone worthwhile. Panic set in. He hadn't considered the thought... why would Gaara go to someone else when they had a perfectly good, despite morally 'wrong' to some people, relationship? It was... puzzling, to say the least. Had he done something wrong? Had he not pleased the boy?

Kankurou's head spun. Gaara had seemed to enjoy it, every time... in his own way, at least... That was it! Kankurou interpreted it completely wrong. He was bad at sex, of course. Well, he didn't have a lot of experience, but... neither did his brother. So then how could he know? How could _either_ of them know? Suddenly, he stopped. He had to stop thinking and make up his mind. Did he have a death wish, or could he stand celibacy?

* * *

And there he was, standing outside of Gaara's door that night, still wearing his clothes from that day. He'd left his hood on, too, but removed the face paint, deciding it would be odd if he kept it. Kankurou's heart rate was dangerously high, and he felt a sinking feeling in his chest. But he had to do it. Tentatively, he raised a hand and, as quietly as he could, he knocked.

He waited, unsure of himself, attempting to hide the fear in his eyes. He heard a soft 'hn' from inside of the room accompanied by a slight shift and very faint footsteps, which he was sure wouldn't have been picked up by normal human ears. The door began to open and he fought the urge to run, putting on his most stoic expression as he came face to face with his brother.

They both waited in silence, Gaara expectant, before finally, ever so softly he whispered, "Is there a reason you've come here, other than to stare at me?"

Kankurou's mind raced, attempting to find an answer that could get him safely away with all of his limbs, but he found none. His eyes darted to the floor and back up to the green eyes lined black. They held no underlying malice, yet were not especially welcoming. "Not really," he finally responded.

Gaara nodded, silently, as if it made perfect sense. He waited, allowing the older boy to stare as he pleased.

The silence got to be to much for Kankurou. "Why did..." he began, but stopped and looked away. He wanted to hide his face, almost feeling it burning. He couldn't ask this of his brother, could he...? He licked his lips and tried again, attempting to banish any emotion from his voice. He whispered cautiously, "Why didn't you come back?"

Without missing a beat, his face never losing composure, "Why didn't you come here?"

Kankurou fought the urge to jerk his head up to look at the younger boy. "...I am now."

He slowly looked up, almost in shock as he saw the look on Gaara's face. It was... a smile? It couldn't be anything else, only a slight turn of the lips, barely visible but yet... there it was. The last expression he'd ever expected to see on his brother's face.

Suddenly, Gaara backed away, allowing room for Kankurou to pass through. Hesitatingly, he entered the room, barely able to keep himself from jumping as the door clicked shut. Gaara acted as if his brother was not there, slowly making his way back to his bed and sitting down. Kankurou followed silently, stopping a few steps before the younger boy. Gaara looked up, expectantly, completely relaxed, leaning backward on his arms.

"Well?" he asked, allowing a smirk to spread across his features.

That was what Kankurou had been waiting for. There was no need to hesitate now, the offer still hanging in the air. With speed and grace only a ninja possessed, he shoved his brother down onto the bed, crushing their lips together.

That was when Kankurou changed his mind. The old Gaara may have been great, but... he had to say, he liked the new one just as well.

* * *

This will be the only chapter to this story, but if anyone likes it enough that they want more... (which I sincerely doubt) go ahead and PM me. It might motivate me enough to think of another chapter.

Well, that's it! I will now apologize for my lack of creative writing style, but I think the idea isn't too cliché or overly done. I've never read anything that was like this, so yay for me, I have an original story. As original as a fanfic can be, anyway. Sorry for rambling. Now go on your merry way... or review if you'd like.


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